How To Kill That Self Destructive Monster Called Jealousy

auto-destructrice jalousie...

. auto-destructrice jalousieLes came to me a few months ago, fearful that his wife was having an affair. They’d been having problems, and she was spending more and more time out of the house, apparently out with friends. Les didn’t believe her for a second, and spent the time stewing at home, dialing her cell number, and on more than one occasion, cruising around to see if he could see her out and about.

As soon as she came home, she’d be given a relentless grilling, and over time she shut him down entirely. Communication dried up, and the relationship was, it appeared, all but over.

He looked dreadful: tried, overwrought and overweight. His skin was bad, his breath was nasty, and he displayed all the classic signs of a guy who was being eaten up, from the inside out.

And of course all this desperation and jealousy was not only making him sad and sick, it was driving her further and further away too! His lack of trust in her was not only deeply insulting but was eroding anything good they’d ever had.

Now Les desperately wanted to get out of this horrible mess, and was willing to work with me to completely change his perspective and behaviors.

I can guarantee that letting your jealousy show is a fail-safe way to lose your dignity, dismantle your self-esteem and frankly, ruin your life! Nothing will ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. It creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. No one thinks clearly when they’re jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is no fun either. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even transforming them from lover and supporter, to enemy.

No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes being jealous. So how come so many people are?

In my experience there are a number of reasons, but the primary cause is a breakdown in communications, and this usually happens for one of two reasons:

Something has changed, and for some reason you don’t feel able to communicate openly and honestly anymore…

Or perhaps one or both partners are manipulating their power by withholding information out of anger, hurt or even just plain thoughtlessness.

Both situations create communication “black-holes” which are then easily filled with fill fear, fury and fantasy.

Communication vacuums open up room for tons of tough questions from the jealous guy. “Has she found someone she likes better than me?” “Is she cheating on me?” “Is she going to leave me?” “Has she found someone richer, younger, funnier?”

When you’re jealous you assume the worst:

“Maybe she’ll fall in love with her personal trainer and leave me.”

“She’s going to lunch with her boss because she’s having an affair with him.”

“She’s not answering the phone because she’s in bed with some guy in a motel!” You know how that one goes? I bet you felt pretty stupid too, when she came in from the supermarket carrying loads of groceries, but even as you unpacked those groceries I bet you were still looking for clues that she’d been cheating!

Wow. We sure make life tough for ourselves sometimes.

So how do you handle these awful feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?

First if you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Open up the lines again. Don’t be aggressive, defensive, confrontation or prickly.

Second, and just as important, you have to stop looking thirsty for reassurance. How on earth can she respect you, if you don’t respect yourself enough to control your fears and paranoia?

Thirdly, you have to remind yourself why you are together in the first place, and understand that a relationship is only worth keeping alive if you CAN trust each other. If that trust is lost forever, then maybe it’s time to move on.

Remember, jealousy is demeaning and humiliation. It is a sign of weakness and fear. In the end the fastest way to kill the monster has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. When you have great self-esteem, jealousy has no choice but to pack it’s bags, and leave town!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

A Motivated Mind

Motivate, Educate, Inspire


Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Darlene Steelman McGarrity

Writing With A Day Job


Blog as I Learn


A topnotch site

who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew.

life is not a rehersal,so live it...if you cant be the poet, be the poem.

Playing Your Hand Right

Showing America how to Live

Of Life & The Living

Peddling stories worth talking about

The Wire Hanger By Winnie

Your #1 Faith Based Blog for Entrepreneurs

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.

Audio SeXXX

Eargasms found here!

Phillybookpick's Blog

GREAT BOOK PICKS -In the World of page turning thrillers !


Knowledge and Happiness(K&H) multiples by dividing it. More you share, higher and bigger they grow.


Real. Life. Experienced.

Share With Us @ Clouds N Cups

We Sell Fashion Accessories N Nail Art Decor But There Is Always An Extra CHEERS To Share...Who Says Beauty Is Only Skin Deep?

Life's Sugar & Spice

This is my blog about me, my cooking ,my family's adventures, the travels we take and the food we love !

Simple Tom

Some say I was born high. Others say i'm just simple :)


My heart and thoughts


practice makes you perfect!


Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.


Health Supplements Store

Teetotal for two

Replacing rosé with running... my two year adventure off the booze and changing my life

Hair Care

The Healthiest

The Power of Clarity

Clarity Hour Coaching with Edgar Danmer



Tony Burkinshaw Cognitive Hypnotherapy

Specialist Cognitive Hypnotherapy For Anxiety Depression and Stress

Lateral Love

"The time is always right to do what is right" ~ Martin Luther King Jr


Just another site


something you should know...

Top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

Seven Spheres

Aqua Terra Ignis et Aer

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

Wefitu is closed


The Science of Mom

The Heart and Science of Parenting

Mom in the Muddle

Getting Through All Life Slings Her Way

Plenty the Magazine

Living. Learning. Laughing

Freshly Pressed: Editors' Picks

Great reads from across, updated daily.

real ultimate waffe (.net)

FACT: mdawaffes are mammals

%d bloggers like this: