Relationship With Your Partner Without Candles Wine Or Lingerie

relationship.

Summary: Many partners attempt to bond with candles, wine or lingerie, only to find their time together feeling flat, empty and passionless. In this article, discover what really creates bonding, intimacy and passion with your partner.

A journalist interviewed me regarding intimacy in relationships. One of her questions was, “What are some of the easy ways in which husband and wife can bond – without candles and wine and expensive lingerie?”

Easy ways? Well, it depends on what you mean by easy!

Bonding has nothing to do with candles, wine and expensive lingerie. It has to do with INTENT. In any given moment we are in one of two possible intents:

The intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain

The intent to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others

Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. We learned these protective behaviors when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviors, such as anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviors have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear is triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in. In relationships, the fears of rejection and engulfment – of losing the other or losing ourselves – generally underlie our protective behavior.

In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there when one or both are closed and protected. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain. Our intent to control brings about the very things we are trying to avoid with our controlling behavior.

Our own intent is the one thing we do have control over. We do not have control over another’s intent to be open and loving, but we do have control over our own intent to be open to learning about what it means to be loving ourselves and to others. However, it takes both people being in the intent to learn for partners to emotionally bond.

If both are open to learning, then they will be emotionally available to each other and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. Bonding has to do with the energy between them, not with anything external like candles, and the energy comes from their intent. A controlling intent creates a heavy, dark, hard, closed-hearted energy, while the open-to-learning intent creates a light, soft, open-hearted energy.

The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behavior in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.

When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish. Then candles, vacations, and lingerie can enhance their experience with each other – the icing on the cake.

Easy ways to bond? Staying conscious and open to learning is not easy! The concept is simple, but doing it is far from easy. Yet devoting yourself to learning to stay open to learning in the face of fear may be the most fulfilling and rewarding experience in your life!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Inspired Every Moment

Living Life to the Fullest the Easy Way, Every Day!

ASpoonfulofSuga

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Darlene Steelman

Sober Living - Life At Full Throttle

reubenssite

Blog as I Learn

babarkhan999

A topnotch WordPress.com site

who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew.

life is not a rehersal,so live it...if you cant be the poet, be the poem.

Playing Your Hand Right

Showing America how to Live

Of Life & The Living

Peddling stories worth talking about

The Wire Hanger By Winnie

Your #1 Faith Based Blog for Entrepreneurs

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.

Audio SeXXX

Eargasms found here!

Phillybookpick's Blog

GREAT BOOK PICKS -In the World of page turning thrillers !

bhardwazbhardwaz

Knowledge and Happiness(K&H) multiples by dividing it. More you share, higher and bigger they grow.

thelovemanifesto

Real. Life. Experienced.

Share With Us @ Clouds N Cups

We Sell Fashion Accessories N Nail Art Decor But There Is Always An Extra CHEERS To Share...Who Says Beauty Is Only Skin Deep?

Life's Sugar & Spice

This is my blog about me, my cooking ,my family's adventures, the travels we take and the food we love !

Simple Tom

Some say I was born high. Others say i'm just simple :)

ericaqq429

My heart and thoughts

Janelistyle

practice makes you perfect!

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

ezhealthsolutions

Health Supplements Store

Teetotal for two

Replacing rosé with running... my two year adventure off the booze and changing my life

Hair Care

The Healthiest

TheReporterandTheGirlMINUSTheSuperMan!

Personal blog, interracial relationships, dating, author, BWWM,

The Power of Clarity

Clarity Hour Coaching with Edgar Danmer

GOrelations

SUGGESTED RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Tony Burkinshaw Cognitive Hypnotherapy

Specialist Cognitive Hypnotherapy For Anxiety Depression and Stress

Lateral Love

"The time is always right to do what is right" ~ Martin Luther King Jr

prophetbrahmarishi

Just another WordPress.com site

lettersfromisobel

something you should know...

The top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

The top 10 of just about anything everything, from cakes to cats and dogs to caravans. Always a laugh, always worth seeing.

Seven Spheres

Aqua Terra Ignis et Aer

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

Wefitu is closed

Visit Fit-anne.com

The Science of Mom

The Heart and Science of Parenting

Mom in the Muddle

Getting Through All Life Slings Her Way

Plenty the Magazine

Living. Learning. Laughing

Freshly Pressed: Editors' Picks

Great reads from across WordPress.com, updated daily.

real ultimate waffe (.net)

FACT: mdawaffes are mammals

%d bloggers like this: